Lesson 16 - TALK ABOUT PROCESS

"It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."

To talk about process is to comment on what is happening in the here-and-now of an interaction. When a situation seems to have reached a dead end, there's an advantage to backing away and looking at what's happening instead of dissipating more time and energy in getting nowhere. For example, you and your friend are into another 20 minutes of arguing about the Supreme Court's decision on something. You are tired of the argument and realize that neither of you is about to change your views on the subject, so you say, "Look, here we are arguing about this issue again. I don't believe we are going to change each other's minds. Do you want to argue more on this now or shall we quit for a while?"

To be able to talk about process, someone in the midst of the situation must back away from it and observe what's happening. This person pulls his/her ego out of the focus of the interaction and comments on what is going on between himself/herself and the other participant/s. The participant/observer interrupts the flow of interaction by commenting on the nature of its current status in the hope that the other person or persons also can observe what is transpiring. The objectives for talking about process are (1) to interrupt the current nonproductive cycle of interaction, (2) to refocus the efforts of the persons involved toward talking about what is and has been happening, and (3) to move the discussion or interaction in a more productive direction.

An employee comes to you as supervisor ostensibly for suggestions on how to get up in the morning so that he/she will get to work on time. You listen to the problem and make a number of recommendations such as getting to bed earlier, putting the alarm clock across the room, taking care of some chores the night before, etc. After each suggestion the employee says, "Yes but ...." After a few minutes of this conversation, you realize that it is pointless to continue. Your suggestions have been fended off as unsuitable or unacceptable. You decide to end the game by talking about process.
Write a statement of what you might say to the person.

Here are two example statements of talking about process for the situation above.

1. "We don't seem to be making much progress making suggestions to help you get up in the morning. (Commenting about what is happening) Every time I make a suggestion you say it won't work or you've tried it. (More specific) I'm wondering if there is something more important we are missing here." (Search talk question)

2. "It doesn't appear that our discussion is solving the problem. (Commenting on process) What do you think? Do you really want suggestions." (Asking the person about his/her intentions)

If you have ever been lost while hiking or driving, it is often helpful to stop and retrace where you have been to see if you can find out how to get where you want to be. If you get lost in an interaction with someone, it may be helpful to stop and comment on where you've been and clarify where you're going. Talking about process interrupts you both from being carried any further along the road to nowhere.

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