Lesson 14 - USE STRAIGHT TALK

"Communication moves to its highest plane when people level with each other."

What Is Straight Talk

Straight talk is honest, self disclosing, genuine, descriptive communication. It is honest because the message expresses true thoughts, feelings or desires. It is self disclosing, because it is based on a personal perspective of "I" messages such as "I think," "I want," "I feel," rather than "you" messages such as "you think," "you want," "you feel." It is genuine because it is non-manipulative and non-deceptive. It is descriptive because it describes what is happening. Straight talk is also called leveling, because when you level with someone you express yourself honestly and directly to the other person. But remember, it is non blameful, because it does not include statements designed to assign blame, find fault, or subtilely try to show others how stupid they are.

Straight talk means that you express your thoughts, feelings and wants but not at the expense, degradation, or humiliation of the other person. It is assertive but not to the point of being aggressive. It is not heavy control talk. Therefore, it should not be angry, vengeful, hostile or stated in such a way that causes people to lose respect for you. It's full of "I" statements rather than "you" statements.

In order to give a good straight talk message you have to be aware of what is going on inside yourself. Here's where you can use the Awareness Wheel as a tool. It can help you identify, at any given moment, what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, etc. It provides a source for formulating a straight talk message. A good straight talk message is a statement based on two sections of the awareness wheel. A better straight talk message includes a statement from at least three or four sections of the awareness wheel.

Examples of Straight Talk Messages

Here's a straight talk statement that includes two sections of the wheel. "I am pleased to be called in for an interview." (feeling) "I am very interested in working for your company." (intention or want)

Here's another that includes five sections of the awareness wheel. Fill in the blanks to indicate which segments of the wheel are referred to in the sentences.

Coworker to coworker: "When you asked me to punch the time clock for you so you could leave early today, it bothered me. I have been thinking about it and I just can't do it. I feel uncomfortable telling you this because we've been friends for a long time. I hope you understand how I feel."

Answers: sense data, thought or intention, feeling, thought, intention

Do the same for these.
1. Shift manager to shift manager: "Yesterday when I came to work there were a number of files left out on the desks. I was upset because all these files had to be put away before we could start to work. I would appreciate it if you would make sure all the folders are put away at the end of your shift."

Answers: my sense data, feeling, intention/want

2. Worker to Boss: "I'd like to get next Friday off to attend the wedding of one of my high school friends. I have spoken to George and he can come in on Friday to work in my place. Would this arrangement be OK with you?"

Answers: intention, action, intention

Wake Up Call - Remember this situation presented in Lesson 3?
Every weekday morning at 6:30 AM my radio/clock alarm sounds its 30 second wake up call. This buzzing sound unavoidably reaches my ears, is perceived by my sleeping brain and thus, becomes my sense data. I immediately interpret this sound as meaning that it is time to get up. A number of thoughts go quickly through my mind such as, "Oh no, is it 6:30 already?" "I better get up and take a shower before all the hot water is used up." I feel annoyed at the alarm for waking me up from a sound sleep. I want to stay in bed for a few minutes longer, so my action is to reach out and press the snooze button on the radio/clock which gives me five more minutes of blissful sleep.

Late for Work
Suppose that one day the power goes off and the snooze alarm fails to sound and you arrive late for work. Write a straight talk message which you can say to your boss who, no doubt, will be waiting for you when you arrive. Use at least three dimensions of the awareness wheel. When you finish, compare your responses below.

Check your responses with these:
Intentions: I want you to know that I did not intend to be late today.
Thoughts: I don't think you will believe this, but there was a power failure at my house and my alarm did not go off.
Feelings: I feel bad that I am late.
Actions: I haven't been late for work since the power failure last week.

Borrow Your Car

Write a straight talk statement for this situation. Include at least three sections of the wheel.

A friend asks to borrow your car to go to the city for the weekend. He has tickets to a ball game but his car is in the shop. You have plans to use your car this weekend and besides, you decided long ago never to loan anyone your car.

Here's a possible statement for the car situation. "I know it's important for you to get to the city this weekend, (thought) but I just can't loan you my car. (intention) I feel like a jerk for not letting you borrow it, (feeling) but I have a rule not to loan it out to anyone."

Assignment 8: Composing Straight Talk Statements (Lesson 14)

You work as a Web page designer. One of your co-workers, Mr. Unhappy, comes over to your work table and starts telling you about his troubles. You are in the middle of working up a design idea and do not want to be disturbed.

Write a Straight Talk statement to deal with this situation which includes at least four dimensions of the awareness wheel.

Send this assignment as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin

After that, go on to Lesson 15.

To Lesson 15

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