PREFACE

INTRODUCTION TO DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Difficult people come in various shapes and sizes. They might be a boss, co-worker, subordinate or a customer or even one or more of your family members or relatives. In his book, Coping with Difficult People, Robert Bramson describes seven common difficult personality types: (1) Hostile-Aggressives who push others around, make cutting remarks or throw temper tantrums; (2) Complainers who gripe incessantly; (3) Silent Unresponsives who never say what they really think; (4) Super Agreeables who are too reasonable and supportive; (5) Negativists who object to most everything; (6) Know-It-Alls who want others to recognize their expertise; and (7) Indecisives who have a great deal of trouble making decisions and commitments. Difficult people types have also been described in terms of specific animal characteristics which may reflect the "beast" in all of us. Just for fun, take a look at "It can be a real Zoo out there." Related to this animal group are the difficult people who act like dinosaurs dealing with every problem by either fighting or fleeing. In the book Dinosaur Brains the authors point out that in pressured situations some people are inclined to process every situation with the vestiges of their dinosaur brains and thus respond physically and impulsively, rather than thinking rationally and then acting with intention and purpose.

It is estimated that about 5 - 10 percent of the people are what you might call difficult personality types, but these 5-10 percent probably cause more than 90 percent of the problems. These are the troublemakers -- the few who can make life miserable for everyone else.These are the people who are difficult most of the time regardless of the setting or situation. We all have the potential to be difficult, but most of us are only difficult once in a while depending on the situation and our frustration level.

Do you think others would classify you as a difficult person? If you are curious to see if you might be considered a troublemaker type, take either the Rudeness Test or the Grumpiness Test. (Don't take the results too seriously because they have not been studied and evaluated to determine their validity and reliability. And by the way, if you have been difficult, you might try making amends with an apology note. Try Mark's Apology Note Generator , your ghost writer for relationships gone awry.

How would you define a difficult person? In this course the definition will be based on your personal perceptions. A difficult person is anyone with whom you have trouble relating to or working with in a constructive way. Although a person may not be seen difficult to others, if you have trouble dealing with this person, then at least for you, this is a difficult person. You can call them by whatever name you want. They can make your life miserable, but if you are willing and put your mind to working on the ideas and skills presented in this course, you can learn more effective ways to deal with them.

"That's not in my job description." You might wonder if their boss would consider these workers as difficult employees. And just in case you don't run into enough difficult people in your own life, here are a few more cases that may want to think about having to deal with.

The basic strategy of dealing with difficult people is not to try to defeat or fight them, but rather to blend with their actions and to lead them in the direction you want them to go. The goal is not to change the difficult person's behavior, but to take control of your behavior and feelings and then decide to act in selected and specific ways to accomplish your designated objectives.

Summary: The aim of this course is to teach some of the concepts and skills that can be helpful in dealing with difficult people and communicating under pressure. Learning these skills is similar to learning a foreign language, both require patience and practice in order to automatically apply the material in everyday situations. This learning process is described as integrated skill learning and goes through a series of stages from unconscious incompetence to unconscious application.

Minute Paper - Intro Lesson: From time to time in the course I ask you to take a minute and send me a "your thoughts" paper. Give this a try here. Think back on what thoughts came to mind as you read the above Preface and visited the related sites? Please respond to this question, "What was the most useful point you learned in this introductory section?" If you want, please include your thoughts/comments about the best part of this material, the muddiest point presented, any mistakes you noticed, or difficulties you may have with hardware or software.

Send your Minute Paper as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin

"If you can't be a good example - then you will just have to be a horrible warning."

"If you don't want to deal with difficult people you have to die young."

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