QUESTIONINGLesson 7 - QUESTIONING and COMPLIMENTING
QUESTIONING
"Good questions outrank easy answers." Paul A. Samuelson
Questions can be classified according to their response options. There are yes/no type questions, open ended type questions and leading questions. All three types can be phrased to elicit facts or feelings. Here are some examples:
A. Yes/No type questions
1. Fact/content - Did you have breakfast today?
2. Feeling/emotion - Do you like bacon and eggs for breakfast?
B. Open ended questions
1. Fact/content - What did you have for lunch?
2. Feeling/emotion - How did you like it?
C. Leading Questions
1. Fact/content - You want to eat out tonight, don't you?
2. Feeling/emotion - I'll bet you're feeling exhausted after being
exposed to the scope and complexities of these questions, right?
Although the interrogatory words, who, what, when, where, how,
and why are typically used to elicit responses of facts and feelings,
we often use other methods of formulating questions as can be
seen in the examples below.
Asking Questions
To get the facts - "who, what, where, when, why, how"
To ask for advice - "Do you think I should......?"
To make conversation - "Are you from this area?"
To say hello - "Hi, how are you?'
To ask permission - "May I use the phone?"
To speculate on possible solutions or outcomes - "What would
happen if ....?"
To make a polite request - "Would you mind bringing me the
paper?"
To criticize - "How many times do I have to tell you ...?"
To seek to help - "You look kind of down today. Do you want
to talk?"
To make a point - "Don't you think that ....?"
The art of questioning involves formulating and asking relevant
questions of various types for a variety of reasons. Such information
seeking questions are referred to as Search Talk.
COMPLIMENTING OR MAKING
STATEMENTS OF APPRECIATION
- "Two goals to follow to improve relationships:
- (1) Ask for more feedback.
- (2) Give more praise."
A sincere compliment provides a positive reinforcement for behavior as well as enhances the self-esteem of the individual to whom it is directed. If behavior is a function of its reinforcers, a sincere "thank you" improves the self esteem of the helper and increases the likelihood that the person will help you again. In addition, it smooths interpersonal relationships and promotes further purposive communication.
It's easier to take criticism when you've had a lot of praise. This is the concept of the "praise bank" -- the idea is that the more compliments you have in your praise account, the higher your self esteem. Thus, when you get a criticism or two it won't decrease your feelings of self worth all that much. However if you don't have many compliments in your praise account, a criticism of two may overdraw your praise account and you end up with a negative feeling balance. It is suggested that it takes about seven compliments to balance one criticism. So for most of us, a high ratio of compliments to criticisms is important to keep us feeling good about ourselves.
The idea of recognizing accomplishment and giving praise is one of the basic principles of good personnel management prescribed in the book, The One Minute Manager. The authors suggest that effective managers will always be on the lookout to "Catch their employees doing something right." You might like to read a synopsis of the book.
Tina Berthelot & Sam Lloyd, Consultants from a company called Success Systems, suggest that "...sometimes a difficult person just needs attention and they have learned to get attention with this behavior that you don't like. If you don't want to confront them about changing the behavior you can often get a change by making sure to give them attention at other times and for other behaviors. Make it a goal to give the person attention (a smile, a thank you, a touch, a moment of conversation) a certain number of times per day when they are not doing what you object to. You may be surprised by how quickly they become a more pleasant person to be around."
Principles for Giving Praise
1. Recognize effort and improvement as well as the final accomplishment.
Catch the person in the process of doing a good job. Don't think
you have to hold back until the job is completed.
2. Be generous. Give at least twice as much praise as criticism.
Remember the idea of the "praise bank."
3. Be specific. It helps to describe explicitly what the person
did or is doing that you appreciate. Being specific provides information
as to what was done right and, therefore, assists improvement.
"Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing." Praise joke.
"If you have occasion to criticize a mule, do it to his face."
Assignment
3: Communication Skills Quiz (Lesson 7)
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