This woman is: a. waking her husband from a nap.
b. watching a wrestling match. c. playing with her baby daughter.
Basic Communication Skills
Six basic communication skills will be presented and discussed in this course - (1) Attending, (2) Acknowledging, (3) Paraphrasing, (4) Asserting, (5) Questioning, and (6) Complimenting. They serve as the building blocks for the communication strategies to be discussed and practiced later on.The first two of these six skills will be discussed in this lesson.
Lesson 4 - ATTENDING and ACKNOWLEDGING
ATTENDING
The communication skill of attending focuses directly on the nonverbal aspects of the communication process. Examples of nonverbal language include: head movements, smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, eyes open wide, eyes closed, direction of gaze, hand waving, hand gestures, being in a certain place at a certain time, not being in a certain place at a certain time, being silent, laughing at a joke, not laughing at a joke, uniforms, jewelry, a person's size, posture, touching, standing close to another person, standing away from another person. As mentioned earlier any condition, action or non action has communication potential. We communicate on both the verbal and the nonverbal channels at the same time.
Nonverbal Communication includes:
Vocal emphasis (volume, tone, pitch, etc.) can change the whole meaning of a message
Appearance - What a person wears, how they wear their hair, their height and weight, their nationality, etc. all have the potential to send a message. Unfortunately, as a rule, people who look attractive are considered to be likable and persuasive.
Face and Eyes - Facial expressions (the human face has hundreds of different potential facial expressions). The human face expresses emotions and attitudes however, often times facial expressions contradict verbal messages leading to miscommunication. Eye contact is another important nonverbal cue and often indicates the listener's involvement and interest in the speaker. However, eye contact is a nonverbal cue that is very culturally driven and can again lead to miscommunication. Facial expressions and eye contact are important to observe as a public speaker for assessing the levels of interest, retention, involvement, and understanding of the audience.
Posture and Movement - "body language" Your posture (how one sits) communicates a message. Body movement and language (a fidgeting hand, a tapping foot, arms crossed, clenched fists) all send a potential message.
Personal Space and Distance - The distance we put between ourselves and others reflects feelings and attitudes and has the potential to send a message. Generally there are four distance zones: intimate, casual-personal, social-consultative, public. These distance zones vary from culture to culture.
Time - The way we use time has the potential to send a message. Think about what type of message a person sends who always arrives at work a half an hour early as compared to one who is constantly a few minutes late?
Physical Environment - The physical environment in which we operate sends messages to others. For example, what type of message is sent if a person's office is a pig sty? Where a person's office is located in an organization (biggest office, best location, window office) often sends messages of power and status.
When two people talk to each other, a nonverbal component of communication accompanies the verbal interchange of statements. In fact, it is estimated that 70 to 80 percent of communication is nonverbal. The nonverbal messages "speak" as loudly or sometimes more loudly than the verbal ones. They often become what people "hear". For example, you can tell when someone wants to end a conversation by reading the nonverbal cues even if the person doesn't say that it's time to go. The nonverbal cues that tell you the person wants to end the conversation include turning to the side so as to not face you directly, moving back a step or two as if to be leaving and not maintaining eye contact.
Most people are good at picking up the nonverbal messages. See if you can "read" the nonverbal messages in the following picture.
This woman is: a. waking her husband from a nap.
b. watching a wrestling match. c. playing with her baby daughter.
From: How to Increase Your S.I.Q, Dane Archer, M. Evans Co., N. Y., 1980
Now try this one.
How did you score? Eye Test Answers: (A) uneasy, (B) playful, (C) desire, (D) cautious, (E) despondent, (F) preoccupied. In this test as in the case above women are generally better at accurately reading nonverbal cues than are men.
F-O-R-E
Anyone can learn the skill of attending. Here is a way to remember
what it takes to acquire and apply this skill. It requires a posture
of involvement or relaxed alertness which includes these basic
nonverbal elements: (1) Face the person directly or squarely,
(2) Keep an open body posture - don't fold your arms or cover
your face with your hands, (3) Try to be mentally relaxed and
concentrate on what the person is saying, (4) Look at the speaker
to maintain eye contact.
To remember this, think of the word - F-O-R-E.
F - FACE the other person
O - Have an OPEN posture
R - Try to be RELAXED
E - Maintain EYE contact
ACKNOWLEDGING
The communicating skill of acknowledging is easy to learn and to use. Most of us frequently use this skill. It includes such words and grunts as, "I see," "That's interesting," and "Uh-huh." We don't agree or disagree with what the person is saying, but we convey our involvement and our interest. We let the person know that we are listening and the effect is that it encourages the person to keep talking.
Activity - Before you leave
this lesson, briefly review the skills of attending (FORE) and
acknowledging. Make a conscious effort to apply these skills with
the people you converse with at work or at home and evaluate your
effectiveness in using the skills.
Minute Paper - Lesson 4 : Please review
the main ideas presented in this lesson and respond to this question."What
was the most useful point you learned?" If
you want, please include your thoughts/comments about the best
part of this material, the muddiest point presented, any mistakes
you noticed, or difficulties you may have with hardware or software.
Send your Minute Paper as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin
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