Lesson 25 - EXPLODERS

Characteristics: They...

Blow up when they don't get what they want. Quickly fly off the handle when things are not what they expect or when others are indifferent to them or to their needs.

Not interested in talking things out. Have learned that explosions work quicker.

Are typically sorry after they have exploded and vow to never do it again.

Are unpredictable.

Demand attention to get appreciation.

Their thoughts/feelings/intentions:
"No one will pay attention unless I explode."

"Give in to me and you won't get my fury. I like to knock people off balance. Don't cross me. I'm a sleeping dog....I'll attack."

"If I don't get my way I'll embarrass or humiliate you or worse."

Our typical thoughts/feelings:

"Why is this person exploding at me? I feel confused and unsure."

"I don't want this to happen again."

"I feel disgust, anger, hate or fear."

"Should I give in? Should I react the same way back? Should I escape? Or, should I withdraw and hate at a distance?"

To deal exploders: (our intentions/actions)

Don't let yourself be knocked off balance by their explosion. Shift into adult gear. Imagine the person as a wind-up toy who needs to wind down. Remember, you just happen to be there.

 

Let them ventilate for a a moment or two.

 

Say something to let them know you understand their concerns.

 

Interrupt if necessary. For example, say their name over and over a few times.

 

Move to problem solving or take a time out.

Assignment 12: Dealing with Exploders

Case example - Enraged Customer

You work as a clerk in a university bookstore and are at work putting some new textbooks on the shelves. An older customer catches your attention by her body language. She appears to be stressed and angry. You ask her if you can be of assistance. All of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of an explosion. Her fuse has been lit for sometime and your inquiry has edged it on. "There is nothing you can do for me! You people have done enough to me already."

You do not die easily, so you reply, "Were you unable to find your books? She retorts, "Of course I was able to find my books. What do you think these are in my hands, vegetables? I just can't buy my books because you stupid people haven't set up my account."

Briefly describe how you would deal with this person using the COPE procedure. State your objectives, design a strategy that might work, then make up a dialogue with the person indicating what you would say to carry out your strategy.

Center Self (How would you center yourself?)

Objectives (What are your short and long range goals?)

Plans (What response strategy or strategies would fit your goals?)

Execute Plan (What statement would you make to the person that fits your response strategy? Please write it out.)

Send this assignment as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin

Then go to Lesson 26.

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