Applying the COPE Process to Some Difficult Types

Lesson 24 - DEALING WITH DICTATORS

Characteristics: They...

Have an overwhelming desire to get things done even though it means running over others who might be in the way. An attack is designed to get things done.

 

Typically see themselves ruling from a command post.

 

Win by intimidating others.

 

Don't like ambiguity or change which they didn't instigate. Are stubborn and difficult to persuade once they make a decision.

 

Are rigid and usually unwilling to entertain thoughts that conflict with their own ideas.

Their thoughts/feelings/intentions:
"I must not let others hinder my plan and course of action. If it takes a war, I'm ready to fight."

"I must to be in control of the project. The outcome is a measure of my worth."

"If people help me get what I want, I like them. If not, I'll get them out of my way."

"I don't want people to ask me how to do something, I want them to just get it done."

Our typical thoughts/feelings:
"What can I do? I have some good ideas. How come he/she won't listen to me? I feel frustrated, confused and angry."

To deal with dictators: (our intentions/actions)
Don't run away. Don't attack back. Don't throw disagreement in their face. Remember, the Dictator's self image is on the line and the person will likely continue to escalate and try to put you in your "place" now or later.

Shift your attention to the adult part of yourself. Focus on your breathing while you decide on your objectives and your plan. Decide if you want to go on beyond self control.

If so, get the person's attention. Do something to get them to listen to you. For example, interrupt the attack by saying the person's name over and over.

Take ownership for your idea or solution. Hold your ground. Make your case or suggestion.

Remain respectful to the person.

Assignment 11: Dealing with Dictators

Case example - Demanding Passenger
You are the flight attendant on a plane getting ready for take off. One of the last passengers to board the plane asks your help to secure her small carry-on bag in an overhead compartment. You open a few and find they are all filled. Finally, you find a compartment that is empty except for a coat neatly folded and taking up about one-third of the space. Just as you are about to stash the bag in this compartment, a man sitting in the seat underneath shouts, "Don't you dare put that bag in there. That's my space. My coat is in there and I don't want it messed with."

Briefly describe how you would deal with this person using the COPE procedure. State your objectives, design a strategy that might work, then make up a dialogue with the person indicating what you would say to carry out your strategy.

Center Self (How would you center yourself?)

Objectives (What are your short and long range goals?)

Plans (What response strategy or strategies would fit your goals?)

Execute Plan (What statement would you make to the person that fits your response strategy? Please write it out.)

Send this assignment as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin

Then go to Lesson 25.

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