letters Lesson 20 - USE FOGGING

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism."

"Don't mind criticism. If it's untrue, disregard it; if it's unfair, keep from irritation; if it's ignorant, smile; if its justified, learn from it."

Fogging is an communication technique where you accept comments or criticism you believe to be manipulative or unwarranted by calmly acknowledging the probability that there may be some truth to it, yet it allows you to evaluate the criticism and judge it for yourself. This simple technique consists of nothing more than agreeing with what the other person said or at least some part of what was said.

It is a good method for dealing with hecklers and snipers. Hecklers are those people who get a great deal of satisfaction teasing and making fun of others. They love to make others the brunt of their jokes. Snipers are criticizers who can't seem to say anything good about anyone. Take a look at the following situations that illustrate the technique of fogging with these difficult people.

Here is an example of a heckler at work, or I should say, at play.

You arrive at work a bit left over from a late party the night before. As you walk in, the company heckler seizes the opportunity to use you as material for his/her routine. "Hey, the way you look, you must have had some night last night." You reply, "Yes, you could say it was a very good evening."

This reply is an example of fogging. The meaning in your message to the heckler is, "You are correct or some part of what you say is correct, but I am not going to argue with you. I will not give you more ammunition to make me the target of additional teasing. I am not going to let what you say upset me. I will not be bothered by your attempt to make me be the focus of your fun." Agreeing in some way to all or part of the jibe, takes the heckler's fun out of teasing you, because you haven't taken the bait. You haven't given the heckler anything to hang on to in order to continue. It's hard to grapple with a fog. A fog slips away and stymies any attempts to engage and challenge it. There is little entertainment in teasing you, because you don't show that you are bothered by it. No one can make a fool out of you, unless you give them the material to work with.

Find the three letters for the word FOG in the cloud above.

They are not there. This is what happens to the Sniper when the person being heckled
doesn't respond in the expected way. The Sniper doesn't get an expected reward and typically stops teasing the person.

Using Fogging to Deal with Snipers and Hecklers

The following example shows how the technique of fogging can be used to handle comments which are commonly made by Snipers, people who are critical to the point of rudeness.

While on a break at work, you are socializing with one of your co-workers. She mentions that she comes from a family of eight children. You reveal that you are an only child. She replies, "Only children are spoiled brats." You respond, "Yes, I suppose some only children are spoiled."

By the way, there are at least three other techniques besides fogging which may be used to deal with hecklers. You may choose the one you like depending on your personality, the situation, and your objectives.

Branson, in his book Coping with Difficult People, suggests that you say nothing back to the person when he or she tries to needle you, but later on when you find the person alone you use a search talk question such as: "When you made that comment about me were you trying to put me down?" The person will almost always reply, "No, what do you mean?" Branson says this technique works well for snipers because now you have blown their cover and they know that you know exactly what they were trying to do, and because you have exposed the sniper, he/she usually stops taking pot shots at you.

Another way to deal with the heckler/sniper type is to do nothing; ignore the person. The heckling may not always stop right away, but the laws of extinction apply. If the heckler gets no satisfaction of seeing you become unbalanced, the teasing will eventually cease. The problem is that it take a while and may get worse before it gets better, especially if other people are amused by it.

If you can think quickly of something to say, another way to deal with hecklers or criticizers is to use humor. Here's are three examples. Someone says:
1. "You should have been here at 8 o'clock." You say, "Why, what happened?"
2. "You didn't go to college?" "No, I slept at home."
3. " You're not very good in history." "But, I'm great on dates."
4. "Your skirt is too short." 'No, my legs are too long."

 

Criticizing an egg is a lot easier than laying one.



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