COMMUNICATION

Lesson 1 - THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS

How would you define communication? Write your definition here before you read the text below.

Defining Communication

Here are two grade "A" definitions of communication: (1) Communication is a process in which people attempt to share and understand each others meanings, or (2) Communication is an exchange of verbal and nonverbal symbols with an attempt to understand each other. Here is a grade "B" definition: Communication is a process whereby symbols are generated by people and are received and responded to by others. This definition is good, except that it omits the view that when people communicate they should not just talk back and forth but also attempt to understand each other.

It has been noted that people are the only creatures on earth who can talk themselves into trouble. Think about some problems you have had with others and chances are you will find that communication played a major role in provoking and possibly intensifying the problem. Let's examine some basic principles of communication in order to understand how other peoples' talk can make life difficult for us and visa versa.

The word communication comes from Latin. It means "to make common" and that is exactly what we try to do when we communicate. We attempt to understand and share each other's meanings. Meanings are the thoughts we have in our heads; what we try to convey to others when we communicate. In order to transfer our thoughts to someone, we have to put them into codes. The codes are usually words or gestures. We also communicate by physical touch, but in most situations we communicate by spoken symbols (words, grunts, etc.), by visible movements (nods of the head, shrugs of shoulders, smiles, frowns, etc.), and by written symbols (letters, notes, signs, etc.). Communication is both verbal and nonverbal.

The process of communication involves encoding meanings and sending them across a message channel. When messages are received they must be decoded and interpreted. Interpretation of a message is based on a number of factors such as its context and the filtering process it goes through when it is decoded by the receiver. Messages are put through a set of personal filters --our biases and beliefs. Understanding and sharing meanings is not always easy, because messages are interpreted according to personal experiences and assumptions.

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." - Anthony Robbins: a self-help writer & professional speaker

Meta Messages
All messages bring a group of other messages along with them. These are called meta (beneath or between) messages. They carry a great deal of information about a person's feelings, attitudes, concerns and intentions. Meta messages can be expressed nonverbally. Such as frowning when one says that they are happy. They can also be expressed verbally through tone of voice, volume, voice inflection, etc. We get the meta messages when we "read between the lines."Here are a couple of examples just for fun. He says, "Can I help you with supper?" What he really means is, "Why isn't it ready yet?" He says, "It would take too long to explain." Means, "I have no idea how it works." "That's interesting." Means, "Are you still talking?" "I can tell you've lost weight." Means, "I just spent $40 on a cordless drill."

Here's another example. Let's say that just over a year ago you purchased a new VCR. It stopped working one month after the warranty expired. You go back to the store where you purchased it and talk to the manager about the problem. The manager listens, then looks away, starts working on something else and says, "We've got your phone number. We'll get back to you as soon as possible."

What are some of the meta messages accompanying the manager's statements/actions?

Based on the concept of meta messages, what does this statement mean? "You cannot, not communicate."

This simply means that we are always communicating and that is is impossible to not communicate. Think about this for a moment, even if you are simply not talking or ignoring someone, you are still communicating.

Reciprocity in Communication

One more thing before we leave this short presentation on communication is the concept of communication reciprocity. It's like the Golden Rule applied to communication. Speak to others the way you would like others to speak to you. The way you speak to others is the way they will likely speak back to you. If you give someone a verbal push, they will most likely verbally (nonverbally or physically in extreme cases) push you back.

Because most communication is effective, we usually find it easy to relate to and work well with most people. But some people have ways of talking and behaving which do not always foster good working relationships. The flow-chart below diagrams the communication/action processes in a work environment and shows the options available for those who have to deal with difficult people.

In the above model, what six options are available to you if you find yourself having to deal with a difficult person?

They are:

(1) Ignore the person. (2) Send obstructive messages. (3) Engage in game playing.

(4) Change your thoughts. (5) Change your wants. (6) Change your actions.

(7) Escape from the situation. (If you are not happy with your current job, you might go to "Should I Quit My Job?" to get information and an assessment of whether you should keep it or chuck it.)

These options will all be discussed later in more detail in the upcoming lessons.

Minute Paper - Lesson 1: Think back on what thoughts came to mind when you studied this lesson. Please respond to this question, "What was the most useful point you learned?" If you want, please include your thoughts/comments about the best part of this material, the muddiest point presented, or any mistakes you noticed in the text.

Send your Minute Paper as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin

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