SETTING OBJECTIVES - C O P E
"Be the water not the rock." --Chinese Proverb "The objective of this encounter is to get the loot. So, don't forget to pillage before you burn." - Blackbeard to pirate crew
"Be the water not the rock." --Chinese Proverb
"The objective of this encounter is to get the loot. So, don't forget to pillage before you burn." - Blackbeard to pirate crew
Lesson 11 - GENERAL and SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES
In every difficult people situation one of the most important overall objectives is not to make the situation worse.
Like the Aikedo player, you want to move into the situation and merge with the energy forces of the encounter and then guide it in the direction you want it to go. This is the idea of merging and managing or blending and leading the situation toward your objectives.
To become familiar with the concept of blending into an encounter situation, here are some examples from customer relations training activities.
Use Friendly Words and Phrases
Replace "but" with "and." "But" creates a break in the momentum or movement of the conversation. "And" connects and keeps people with you.
Read these statements and note the differences in the meta messages they convey.
1. "I will be happy to work on the project, but I can't start on it until tomorrow." 2. "I will be happy to work on the project, and I can't start on it until tomorrow."
What contrasting messages do you get from each of these statements?
_______________________________________________________________________ Another example: 1. "I'm trying to talk, but the phone keeps ringing. Can I get back to you before noon?" 2. "I'm trying to talk, and the phone keeps ringing. Can I get back to you before noon?"
Replace "have to" with "will."
1. "I can get that information to you, but I will have to call you back." 2. "I can get that information to you, and I will call you back with it."
Replace "help" with "assist." "Help often triggers a defensive reaction. Some people equate being helped with being helpless or not competent.
1. "What can I do to help you?" 2. "What can I do to assist you?"
Use friendly phrases. Have fewer irritated and uncooperative people. Clean up the "dirty dozen" phrase list. Think about how you might feel if these were said to you. Would you feel a bit irritated and less cooperative and more hesitant than energetic?
"You have to..." "You should have..." "I'll try." "You made a mistake." "Your complaint." "We can't." "As soon as possible." "I'm just..." "There is nothing I can do." "Why didn't you..." "I don't know." "I'm busy."
FRIENDLY PHRASES EXERCISE
Rather than.......................... Write friendly phrases
1. "You have to call extension 25."
2. "You have to submit that request in writing."
3. "You sent your request to the wrong department. You should have sent it to me."
4. "Your complaint was referred to my office." 5. "You made a mistake in calling us. We don't have that information."
6. "I will get back to you as soon as possible." 7. "You can't come on Saturday, we're closed."
8. "I can't get the report completed today."
9. "I'll try to get that information to you." 10."There's nothing I can do."
11."I don't know." 12."That's not my job."
13. "I'm busy right now." 14. "Call me back."
15. "That's not my fault." 16. "Did you break it."
(Adapted from Time Management and the Telephone by Dru Scott, and from Customer Service for Dummies by Karen Leland and Keith Bailey, IDG Books)
Applying the O (Setting Objectives) in the C O P E process to Situations with Difficult People
The difference between where you are and where you want to be is your objective. Think of the Intentions/Wants section of Awareness Wheel. Intentions are objectives. They can be stated as General Objectives (Long term) or Specific Objectives (Short term).
General Objectives - Intermediate or long range goals for the conflict situation.
As stated in the section above, one of the general objectives of any conflict situation is to move into it with tact and grace, to apply a "lubricant demeanor." To blend into an encounter is to merge into it without making it worse.
Additional general objectives can be stated as goals related to the specific encounter with the difficult person. Here are some examples: To maintain good customer relations.To keep my job. To learn from this experience so that it doesn't happen again.
Specific Objectives - Short-term goals for managing the difficult person situation.
After selecting some general objectives, you select specific objectives relevant to managing the situation and moving it in the direction you want it to go. Here are some examples: To keep calm. To get the facts. To avoid making the situation worse. To work out a "win-win" solution.
Note that statements of ojectives are stated as goals not actions. For example, "to calm the person down" is an objective but "to ask a question" is an action. An objective or goal statement is what you want to have happen. The action is what you might do to make it happen.
In most pressured situations you don't have much time to stop and think about objectives or goals. But, it is usually possible to quickly formulate some relevant short-term objectives that are appropriate to deal with the situation. In the heat of the action you don't have to stop and formulate general or long-term objectives, not because they are unimportant, but because they are often the same for most conflict situations, such as -- keep my job, foster good public relations, learn from the experience, take steps later that might prevent it from happening again, etc.
In the Assignment 5 you are asked to formulate objectives for a specific coping situation. Here is an example to help you with this assignment.
Assignment 5: Setting Objectives Exercise (Lesson 11)
Assume you are a cosmetic consultant in an up-scale department store. While at work one afternoon, you see a lady coming toward the counter with fists clenched and a bag in hand. You know it's a return. You greet her with a friendly smile, "Hello, how can I help you." Before you finish the sentence, she says, "I don't want this. I'm returning it." She gives you the sales slip and the bag. The product was purchased last week on a final sale. You remember her and when she bought it, you recall telling her that it was a sale item and could not be returned.
First, center yourself. Let's assume that one of your specific objectives remain calm and that one of your general objectives is foster good public relations. Make a list of the other objectives you would suggest for dealing effectively with this situation. (Just write objectives. Don't explain what you would say to the person.)
General objectives:
Specific objectives:
Send this assignment as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin
After that, go to Lesson 12
Here's a preview of next steps in the COPE procedure
After Centering (C) yourself, you decide on your Objectives (O). Then you make a Plan (P) which is selected from one of the strategies listed on the back of the COPE card. You then Execute (E) your plan by saying or doing what is needed to implement the plan in dealing with the difficult person.
The next section presents the Plans which are also referred to as strategies.
To Lesson 12