Lesson 10 - KEEPING COOL UNDER FIRE: The Centering Process
"Stay cool, but don"t freeze up." "Get the facts first, THEN panic!" "Most problems can't be solved with high explosives." "Don't dig youself into a deep hole unless you are planting a tree."
"Stay cool, but don"t freeze up."
"Get the facts first, THEN panic!"
"Most problems can't be solved with high explosives."
"Don't dig youself into a deep hole unless you are planting a tree."
Summon Up the "Adult" Part of Yourself
You are a sales clerk in a shoe store. Most customers are kind and considerate, but once in a while someone comes in who is rude and aggravating. Your job as a sales clerk is to stay on task and not let a customer's anger or rude behavior get to you.
(Remember the two most important rules for success in business: Rule 1- The customer is always right. Rule 2- Refer to rule 1.)
Situation
Customer: A woman who comes up to you yelling, "You sold me these shoes a few months ago and they are falling apart already."
Which one of the following responses best shows that you are keeping you cool under fire?
The ideas from T.A. and R.E.T. provide an understanding of some of the mental and emotional processes that are part of our everyday lives. They also serve as a theoretical framework for learning how we can gain control of thoughts and emotions, particularly in pressured situations when centering is often difficult to do. For most people, keeping cool under fire is not easy, but some people are able to do it better than others. When the successful ones are asked how they are able to maintain psychological equilibrium in a stressful situation, they mention a variety of techniques.
Here is a list of some of the techniques that can be used to stay in there when you are being yelled at, being accused of something you didn't do, being made fun of, etc.
(2) Ask yourself, "Why is this person acting this way? Why is he/she telling me this? Does this person want sympathy? Help? Is he/she merely blowing off steam or does the person really want information? Maybe this person is sharing an experience? Or just airing an anxiety?" (3) Visualize the person looking ridiculous: like a barking dog, a whining child, or a grown-up person having a temper tantrum. (4) Count to 10. It usually helps slow down the automatic knee-jerk reaction. (5) Identify the overt (surface) and covert (meta) messages in the difficult person's statements. Choose which message you will respond to. (6) Use "magic words." "magic words" are trigger phrases that remind you to calm down, lighten up and "part the wave." You decide in advance on a word or phrase that you can repeat when you are in a pressured situation that will remind you to get back on track and keep you from flying off in an emotional huff. Here are some examples: "KMS" (keep mouth shut), "I am not the target," "Mope or cope," "It's body armor time." "Think, don't feel." "Don't get your tail in a knot." Use your "magic words" to trigger clear and objective thinking about the situation. As a result, you will have Centered (C) yourself and then you can focus on the O-P and E.
(2) Ask yourself, "Why is this person acting this way? Why is he/she telling me this? Does this person want sympathy? Help? Is he/she merely blowing off steam or does the person really want information? Maybe this person is sharing an experience? Or just airing an anxiety?"
(3) Visualize the person looking ridiculous: like a barking dog, a whining child, or a grown-up person having a temper tantrum. (4) Count to 10. It usually helps slow down the automatic knee-jerk reaction.
(5) Identify the overt (surface) and covert (meta) messages in the difficult person's statements. Choose which message you will respond to.
(6) Use "magic words." "magic words" are trigger phrases that remind you to calm down, lighten up and "part the wave." You decide in advance on a word or phrase that you can repeat when you are in a pressured situation that will remind you to get back on track and keep you from flying off in an emotional huff. Here are some examples: "KMS" (keep mouth shut), "I am not the target," "Mope or cope," "It's body armor time." "Think, don't feel." "Don't get your tail in a knot."
Use your "magic words" to trigger clear and objective thinking about the situation. As a result, you will have Centered (C) yourself and then you can focus on the O-P and E.
List the mental or physical techniques or the "magic words" that might us to help you "part the wave."
1. A tendency to feel vulnerable, to take things personally.
2. A tendency to get ticked off easily or what might be called having a short fuse. You might want to take the Customer Bother Scale to compare your fuse length with others.
3. A tendency to expect too much:
5. A tendency to react without thinking -- jumping too quickly into a situation without considering possible way/s of handling it effectively.
Here's a practical illustration of this idea. Take the Quick Thinking Test.
Applying the Centering Part of the COPE model
In summary, a tendency toward taking things too personally, getting ticked off easily, or engaging in negative self talk can make it more difficult to maintain your equilibrium in a pressured situation. But don't give up in dire despair. Deal with each event as it comes up. Approach each situation by (1) Relying on the "Adult" part of yourself (T.A.), (2) Applying a think positive approach (R.E.T.) and, (3) Using the mental and/or physical centering techniques ("Magic Words" or other techniques mentioned above.)
Here's a centering-self activity for you to apply these ideas, skills and techniques.
Assignment 4: Keeping Cool Under Fire (Lesson 10)
Trying to collect his thoughts and shake off his nervousness, George entered the conference room where his job interview was about to begin. He was surprised that there were five interviewers. They all seemed to be staring at him with stern looks of rejection. He felt himself becoming more nervous and uptight.
If you were in George's place, what could you do to calm yourself. (1) Describe the process involved in centering yourself and, (2) List some of the physical and mental techniques you might use?
Send this assignment as an email to the Instructor, Marshall Chatwin
"Don't expect maturity out or immaturity and don't assign malice when ignorance or stupidity will explain." "It's not the load that gets you down, it's the way you carry it." "No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously." Dave Berry A story: Two flies found their way into the kitchen and were delighted to find a large slice of baloney on the counter. They both ate till their bellies were about to burst and then took off to find a place to rest. They alighted on a boom handle to relax for while. Shortly, one of the flies zoomed off and all of a sudden fell dead to the floor. The second one took off and died in mid air. Moral: If you are full of baloney don't fly off the handle. "Ultimately, coping will make you feel good about yourself."
"Don't expect maturity out or immaturity and don't assign malice when ignorance or stupidity will explain."
"It's not the load that gets you down, it's the way you carry it."
"No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it too seriously." Dave Berry
A story: Two flies found their way into the kitchen and were delighted to find a large slice of baloney on the counter. They both ate till their bellies were about to burst and then took off to find a place to rest. They alighted on a boom handle to relax for while. Shortly, one of the flies zoomed off and all of a sudden fell dead to the floor. The second one took off and died in mid air. Moral: If you are full of baloney don't fly off the handle.
"Ultimately, coping will make you feel good about yourself."
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